Bleep Bleep Bleep

I have a new phone. Fancy smancy, that is for sure, but my goodness I may need to return to college to figure out how to use it. The things I do understand like sending a text message is very simple. I have a "broken pen" type apparatus that I can poke the flat screen to type on a key pad. I have figured out how to make phone calls, a touch screen appears and I push the buttons as if they were a real key pad. The phone slides in half and i can send an email. Well, I have figured out how to use it when I am near my computer at work, because of being able to tap into the network (wireless) of the office, but I am struggling how to do that on the road, or just outside the office building. I was surprised to find the phone had like eight rings. I am accustomed to have different rings for different people. Which allowed me to discriminate against my friends. Oh, I know, you are agasp by this, but you do it too. Sometimes you are just not able to talk to someone, rather you do not want to talk to someone who is calling about something you either A) do not want to discuss B) do not have as much time left in life to have THAT conversation or C) or simply I may be in my 'I hate people' mind set. I also was accustomed to having my dog as the desktop picture. I am not sure I can have that now. I think I am on chapter 5 of the manual, and if anyone knows me well, realizes I hate to read, so this text book that accompanied my new phone may take the six years it took for me to graduate college, without honors. If you have cliff notes on how to use this phone, let me know. I am not above cheating on this exam to be able to use it in the real world. Sorry, St. Francis, but some habits may be hard to break.