Stand Back!

I am a fallen Catholic. Meaning I was born and raised in a Catholic home, even attended a Catholic College but I have given up the "Fish on Fridays" and conduct drive by prayers to the church. No, I was not abused by a Priest! I was too old when I went to church to be eye candy for the men of the cloth haha. I just have not found much comfort in a Sunday morning ritual that does not include me ordering sausage gravy and biscuits.

I am not big on 'love thy neighbor'. Heck! I do not even want to wave to them as I see them outside. The idea of congregating in a large room on uncomfortable wooden slabs that have Cheerios and gummy bears slime all over them just does not make for a good time.

Now, our friend Paris Hilton, who has done hard time for drinking the hard liquor, has found herself religion. We will soon find out what religion when she sits down with Larry King. (That is, if Larry King is still alive in a couple days... now there is a Death Pool name for someone!) Oh, yah, and this is the other reason I do not go to church. I have moments where I am not the most righteous or politically correct.

Anyway, I have done very well at not breaking many of the commandments. I can careless about my neighbor's house, I don't covet nor care to go inside. I would not bear false witness to my neighbor because I avoid making eye contact. Though murder has crossed my mine, I have not, shall not. Speaking of shall ... I have taken the Lord's name in vane and then speaking of taking, I did steal a rock from a garage sale when I about 9. I do honor the parents and I do not speak of many Gods, but it is hard not to - Katie Curic is always introducing new Gods on the nightly news. As for adultery, my married life did not have much heat and sneaking women on the side was something that never even crossed my mind. I know Sunday to be the day of worship, but I also know that if I get to Sara's by 8:30 a.m. I will beat the church crowd! Which brings me full circle to my sausage gravy and biscuits. The nice thing about being a fallen Catholic, at least I can still eat my sausage, bacon and other slabs of meat.